


Zero Gravity

by ZenHeyerdall



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, M/M, No Beta, caleb has one hell of a crush, essek fears that they will like his brother more than him, essek too but he's better at hiding it, not today that's for sure, one day I will learn to write them, stil sucking at summaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:00:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26777761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZenHeyerdall/pseuds/ZenHeyerdall
Summary: He wasn't expecting to see him again after what happened but sometimes the Gods have other plans.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	Zero Gravity

He was not lying when he had told Essek that they were quite alike, that he hadn't been born with venom in his veins, Caleb had learned to manipulate people for his own benefit and maybe he had tried to manipulate him a bit but he had good reasons.

He didn't want to hurt him, he just wanted to stop Essek from doing something he shouldn't and putting himself in danger.

And maybe, just maybe, he wanted to show him that he wasn't alone, that whatever it was that had caused something inside him to break could be fixed. That if he had found ir, he could also find peace, or rather, improve as a person thanks to the rest of the Mighty Nein, he could have it too, he just had to trust them, in him.

Of course, the truth opened a gap between them all, Essek had broken the trust he had achieved with the group of people who had initially wanted to get closer to have them under control and for whom he had ended up becoming fond of and considering his first friends. Caleb couldn't speak for the rest of his companions, he imagined that some were going to forgive him before others, perhaps Jester or Caduceus, but others were going to look at him with different eyes or be more careful.

But he was clear about how he felt, he understood him and he knew how troublesome all that was and above all, he knew that as much as he liked Essek, there were things about him that he didn't know. And likewise, the drow didn't know him, not quite.

Everyone had a lot to think about and it was normal that for a few days he didn't receive news of the shadowhand and that he wasn't seen by the Xhorhaus.

Caleb didn't expect to see him again for a long time, at least after finishing the Traveler Con , since he wasn't sure what they were going to do after that. He had plans but he didn't know if the rest would agree. But he supposed that one thing is what one imagined or wanted and another what was really going to happen.

His plan that afternoon was to study, of course, now that he had his own study full of books that must have belonged to the previous owners of the house (Caleb hadn't really asked about them and he supposed that sometimes it was better not to know certain things) and that he had to read. He estimated that it might take a couple of months, so at least he wanted to take one of those with him on the trip.

But a knock on the front door of the house took him out of the love story about an elf assassin who had been sent to kill a wizard so that she could avoid ending the war that interested the man who had hired him, and from which, after his life had been spared, he had fallen in love with her.

He was interested in knowing what kind of massage that elf gave.

But he found that it was Veth who had opened the door, he observed her standing, looking at the person on the other side but without saying anything, he imagined that because they weren't expecting anybody. When he got closer he saw that it was Essek and that , by the look of their faces, neither of them knew what to say.

"Essek" Caleb's voice sounded surprised, because he was, he didn't expect to see him for a long time under the circumstances. But a part of himself was glad he was wrong.

"Good evening, Caleb" from the way the Drow sounded, he seemed unsure if it was welcome or not "I'm sorry I came unannounced, I guess you're busy"

"Well ... no ... I'm not," he said. He really wasn't, if he needed something from him hhe didn't mind pausing his reading.

"Good, can I have a moment of your time?" he asked "It won't be for long, it's just ... I needed to see you"

Essek needed to see him, it made Caleb's heart skip. How did you answer that? They were friends, right? That was natural, he supposed, and he mustn't think the drow was referring to something else. Essek probably wanted to tell him about some new spell he had found and wanted to teach him.

"Sure, come in, we can talk in the study" he tells him, moving away from the door so that he can pass.

"I would like to talk ... in private" he observed looking at Veth.

Caleb understood what the other meant by that, as much as he loved his friends, he understood that it was always difficult to have a private moment for himself because eventually someone was always around and the time alone was a very precious commodity that it only happened when they were all sleeping (and sometimes not even that because Caduceus's snoring interrupted every kind of private thoughts one wanted at night).

But the truth is that he didn't know how much he had missed something like that in his life until he met his new family and he wouldn't change that for anything in the world. Even so, he understood that perhaps the subject that the other wanted to talk about was delicate and he didn't want anyone else to listen to them or he simply wanted to talk to him alone, although he doubted it was that.

"Okay ... I'll be back in a bit, Veth" he told the haffling.

His friend said nothing, he knew she wasn't worried that Essek was going to hurt him, so he kissed her head and after taking his coatshe went out with the drow to the streets of Rosohna.

While they walked, the wizard's mind kept spinning, Essek was very quiet, more than he used to be and he always used to talk much more with him than with anyone but that afternoon he seemed quieter.

“Essek, are you okay? Did something happen? " he asked. Caleb was worried, maybe someone was suspicious of the other and he was in danger. In his head he began to draw up a plan to help him and keep him safe.

"No ... nothing happened Caleb" he finally said after a few extra seconds of walking in silence "I'm didn't mean to worry you, it's just that I've had a ... peculiar day ... and I needed to talk to the only person who understands me. "

"Peculiar?" Caleb knew little of the days of the shadowhand but imagined they were little quirky if not rather methodical and calm.

"My brother came to pay me a visit ," he informed him. And that did surprise him, Essek had never mentioned having a brother "and it's always hard ... to talk to him ... we are very different and many times I think I don't know how to treat him"

"I didn't know you had a brother," he murmured. He wasn't accusing him, he already knew there was information about Essek that he didn't know.

"He's the Taskhand of Bazzoxan, his name is Verin" he informed him "so I don't usually see him much because each one has his life and responsibilities."

Caleb remembered their brief visit to Bazzoxan, more than a town it was a military post since it wasn't that there were many civilians hanging around the place. It didn't seem like a pretty place to live but they hadn't been there long so he didn't feel like he could have a better opinion of the place. But he didn't remember hearing the name Verin Thelyss around the place.

"I don't think we met," he finally admitted. And he noticed that Essek seemed relieved by that detail “does that relieve you? That we haven't met your brother? "

"Honestly? I think you will like him better "observed Essek" Verin has that talent, that gift of people, he knows how to make himself loved and respected "

"And you do not?" Caleb asked the other.

"I ... have other ... things that I am better at," the drow commented, "and I have never been interested in relating much to others, beyond my work"

"Well, you're not so bad at us," he observed encouragingly.

“With all of you i's different” Essek observed “with you I am… comfortable? I think that's the word ”

Caleb can't hide that he's glad to hear him say that, but he tries to hide it as best he can, since he imagines that the drow hadn't finished speaking.

"With you I can talk without problems, I suppose it is because we have a lot in common" he continued sitting on a bench "but when I talk to Verin it is as if I were talking to a stranger"

"That's sad" he admits sitting next to him. Caleb had never had any siblings, not until he met Beau and Nott but it feels sad to have somebody that is your blood relative, your brother and that you feel like can't talk to him about what your life or what you love "what does your mother say?" he realizes that it's not a pleasant subject as soon as he sees him tense "you don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to"

"My mother is the Umavi of our Den, you already know that" he said softly, as if it were a delicate subject "she is ... is not a bad person but without a doubt she has always wanted the surname Thelyss to be synonymous of excellence and has always expected the best from her children "

"So I suppose she must be very proud of your achievements" observed Caleb because Essek is one of the most talented people he has ever met in his life and recognizes the importance of what he has done "or at least pleased"

"On the contrary, she seems interested in me achieving more" observed the drow "how is your mother, Caleb?"

The wizard then gulps, now the subject has become complicated for him. And although he wants to tell Essek the truth, about what he has done and make him understand why he had said that day on the ship that they were very similar, but he doesn't feel that it's the right moment, not with everything that has happened between them,it would probably be too much. And because Caleb fears, above all else, that the truth is so horrible for the shadowhand that he would reject him, because while he has betrayed his own, he hasn't killed his family. But he didn't want to lie to him, he didn't want to break the trust between the two if them at such a fragile moment and he didn't want to lie to someone he care so much about.

"My mother was ... she loved me above her life," she finally told him, "and she was very proud of me, just like my father." As always when he talks about his parents , he feels that his mouth begins to taste bad .

"Sorry," the drow mutters, realizing that Caleb no longer has his parents with him. He appreciates it, it is pure courtesy and he knows it because Essek has grown up in a society that in a way cheats death and knows that he hasn't known a real loss, that his losses will always be temporary.

"But I think you don't have to prove anything to your mother, no matter how Umavi she is " added the wizard, "neither to her or to anyone, not even to me ... you're you, Essek Thelyss, you're one of most smarter and impressive people that I know and I don't think you need to show anyone what you can or can't do "Caleb hesitates to add something else but in the end, he ends up doing it" and I want to help you be someone better because if I achieved that, I was thanks to this family, and you will achieve it too. "

"You are very kind, all of you have been very kind to me and I don't deserve it" observed the drow "I'm really so …"

"I know, we know" Caleb decided to cut him "but it's not about deserving or not deserving, it took me a while to understand that too ... but in the end I understood that you may have done horrible things like the ones we have done, in our past, and still regret it and try to leave, as I told you, the world better than we found it because sinking into misery won't do us any good, the past is past and the damage is done, we must focus, the two of us , to improve what is broken. _Und_ ... one day I will tell you about my past and you will understand what I am talking about "and he told himself that if Essek didn't want to see him again after knowing it, he would let him go even though it would break his soul.

That said, Caleb got up and offered his hand to the drow, it was a different gesture than all those he had dedicated to him at the ship, this time he wanted to try something different.

"So ... together?" he asked with a small smile.

He wanted to offer him another chance again, not just to be a better person, he wanted to trust them, the strange and noisy family that they were and the power they had, but to trust him. The two of them together could do great things, they both knew it.

Essek then took his hand.

"Together then," the drow whispered.

"Ah ... by the way, why did you want to see me?" Caleb asked him, remembering that had been the reason for his visit.

Then the other changed his expression and it seemed to the wizard that for a second he was blushing and losing his composure.

"Um ... well ... I was ... I didn't feel very well after talking to my brother and I wanted to see you ..." he explained embarrassed. Caleb was surprised, he had never seen Essek like that "somehow you always make me feel better, I can't explain it"

Well, Caleb hadn't expected to hear that and for a second he thought he had misheard, because he must have, but he knew what he had heard and felt bad for thinking, again, for a moment that the drow was talking about something else.

"Well ... I'm glad ... I mean, I'm happy to be of help to you" muttered the zemnian ... " _Ich sehe dich auch gerne und ich mag es wie du lässt mich fühlen"_

"What did you say?" asked the other "Another of the things that you will tell me some day?"

"Maybe" Caleb sentenced with a smile.

But for the moment, it would be a secret.

**Author's Note:**

> Ich sehe dich auch gerne und wie du lässt mich fühlen → I like to see you too and I like the way you make me feel. 
> 
> Hi! I really wanted to write a shadowgast for months and I was finally able to finish this thing that I had been in my drafts for two or three months, I think.
> 
> I have a tumblr where I post my fics when I remember to do it, it's on my profile if you want to say hi ( I don't bire I swear).
> 
> As always, thank you for reading my fic and sorry for the mistakes.
> 
> Have fun!


End file.
